Spend a riotous night out in Cholsey with Perce, Prock, Chrissie, Fuzz , Spackers, Johnny G, Dave & Sue S.
Hang around the Red Lion at closing hoping for "afters" but Prockie puts pay to these aspiorations when he tells the landlady she looks like Miss Piggy.
*
I have won my first game of Clegg of trhe year and I'm 63p better off as a result.
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Mike's wife Sandy on I division is pregnant. Mike is evens favourite to be its father with Dave in at 5 to 1.
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Jas has got his P3 so I should have his P2 but they give it to some freckly girl from M division so I have a right sulk but no one notices and for some reason John gives me a lecture on the debasement of the English language.
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Dopey Denise is moving to A division and we're getting freckly Helen who robbed me of my P2. We have a move round and I'm now sitting with Jackie and Jo. I'm in tit heaven!
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Mum and dad have a row because he has forgotten their anniversary. She sobs it's the first time he's forgotten it in thirty years and the mood becomes sullen until granddad breaks into a rendition of "We've been together now for thirty years...."
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Get very pissed in town and decide to gatecrash a party at the Masonic Hall and I agree to be wheeled there in a Waitrose trolley. We get as far as the slope next to KP when Perce and Prock decide it would be more fun to hurl me down there instead.
I have now scraped all the skin off my knuckles.
*
I aim a paper dart at Mike but it misses badly. I recieve a lecture from John about the faultiness of my anhedrals and dihedrals.
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At darts I win my match plus get the highest score of the night with 140 which means both teams have to give me 10p each. I also win £2 on the raffle and clean up at Clegg so that total winnings for the night are £5.
*
The boys are out in force tonight and we get very drunk in town before gate crashing another do at the Masonic Hall. I must be drunker than I thought because I end up with Case's missus, Lynn.
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Mr Barren is retireing so mafter work there are drinks and nibbles in the canteen and our boss-man Reggie B gives a speech that John guffaws at like it was Ben Elton up there.
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Tonight is trhe Wally Utd disco. Case says he wants to get off with Lucy W so palms his Lynn off with me but when the slowies come on I sneak off and dance with the other Lynne (Lynne M) who is prettier. Her and her Geoff have had a row which should be a good thing but she's all miserable about it and no fun at all.
So I end up dancing with Perce to New York New York.
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I am queueing in Knights to buy Easter eggs for the kids and the woman in front insists on her small child paying for his egg so she gives him the money which he chucks on the floor and tries to eat the egg. This would be very funny if it wasn't during my half hour lunch break.
*
The boys go to Rivers for the Thursday disco and before long Joff asks me to dance with his girlfriend, Patsy. I keep getting lumbered with other peoples partners though I want to be lumbered with Julie W and manage to grab her for the slowies. We're dancing very close when she points out her hubby, Andy, is glaring at us furiously. (I once had a snogging session with Julie after her, Lynne M and Perce had played strip brag at my house. I think he might suspect.)
I really fancy Julie and she obviously does me but Andy has a face like Mr Punch and is a milkman so what chance do I have?
(They also have a baby.)
*
Have the traditional Good Friday lunchtime session at the Knight and it has become clear that Dave A and Sue S are having an affair and don't mind flaunting it under Davie S's nose.
At six PM I get a phone call from Fuzz who has been arrested. His best mate, Phil, lives over the road so he asks me to fetch him and rush him to Didcot police station.
*
It turns out that after getting pissed up, on Thursday Fuzz burst into his mum's bedroom and threatend her boyfriend with a knife. His mum tried to grab it and cut her hand open.
He's been released so joins us for a beer but has to leave early as his court order saqys he has to be in his hostel by 11.
*
Go to the Kings Head on Easter Day where Clint cheerfully tells us he attempted suicide last night. Prock asks if he suceeded.
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