17/7/2008 - When your life is a soap oprah..

So suddenly his best friend likes her. He wants to ask her out. He's sweet, funny, reasonably good looking, and nicer than most guys she falls for. But (because there's always a but) he's just not..right. And he, the one she really likes, decides that , actually, her best mate is the one he wants. After weeks of trying to choose out of her and his girlfriend, he chooses the best mate who he never showed intrest in before.

Boys, who'd have 'em?

But what does she say to his best friend when he asks her out? Maybe, she should give it a go. The idea of commitment to something that probably won't work out just makes her think of all those films about unhappy marriages. Depressing.

Or, she could say no.. She's too nice, believe it or not, especially after all the flirting.. Now she asks why she even went there.

Why does she want the player when she could have the nice guy? How does that work? Is it because she just wants what she can't have? Or is it the fact that he's the mysterious, mixed up boy with problems? Maybe she wants a challenge.

Maybe she's just plain crazy.

17/6/2008 - Mmmm....

Bored as a fishfinger..

That wasn't meant to come out sounding so wierd.

It's strange how the people you normally just overlook suddenly become major parts of your life. I've started to get to know people I hadn't really noticed before recently, and they are actually pretty cool.

Feeling good today =]

Even though *they* got back together. Suprisingly more ouch than I thought...

I'll get over it =]

2/6/2008 - Life Really Does..Go On..

It turns out he's been texting the ex saying he loves her and and that she's the 'one'. He had his chance to choose between us. More than one. But in trying to have both...He lost both. I decided, all spur of the moment, that I couldn't be bothered. He half heartedly tried to win me over. But there you go, it was half hearted and that kinda proves everything.

Still, whenever I smell this certain smell, I'm uncertain what it is, maybe it's rained on hair (it was raining when we kissed) maybe it's something else..It reminds me of him, of the kisses, of what I could have had.. But it also reminds me of her. How much we laugh, how much I missed her when things were wierd between us and especially how much she cried on those countless times he let her down. It reminds me of what it means to love, to lose, and what it means to have a friend.

So life goes on around me as normal. As expected, no one acknowledges the sacrifice I made. The path I chose could have changed our lives. Or is that just me being dramatic again? He might  learn from this that he can't have everything. Who knows, if I'd chosen him, me and the best friend might never have got over the rift it would have caused between us. We might never have become so close. And me? I might have turned out like him when it comes to love simply because of how he might have treated me if we'd gone out.

Or Not.

So maybe I am being dramatic..

But think about it.. Everyday we make choices that affect our future, from small ones like whether to have chips or rice for lunch, to big ones like having a gorgeous boyfriend but losing a mate or strenghthening a friendship and standing up for yourself. All these choices change something, however small. So what happens when we make a  BIG decision?

Even so, my possibly life changing desicions go ignored and I, like everyone else, get on with life, however mundane it may seem. I let my cellophane decisions sculpt the future.. Without complaint, without a second thought or a challenging word I leave my ponderings and return to survival. I grit my teeth, put up my defences and throw myself back into the seemingly endless routine we call life. 

I make no futile attempts to change the world.

My thoughts remain unspoken, restricted to a page.

I simply join the millions before me and the millions yet to come.

I laugh, love, and cry. 

I get on with it.

29/5/2008 - I do wonder...

..What the hell goes on in that mind of his. I wish he'd just tell me straight what he wants.. Why mess around? Why do I have to sit here in the dark confused as ever wondering if that day meant anything to him?

If you like a girl, and it's pretty obvious she likes you...  and you kiss...you'd have a pretty good idea where you wanted the relationship to go right? You'd tell her, right?

I don't  want a serious relationship or anything. Not with him anyway.. I just want to know where I stand.

Why is that such a problem?

10/5/2008 - *Does Victory Dance*

Exams pretty much over! Just a couple of French ones (listening and oral) and one mental maths (doesn't that sound like fun). I actually think I did ok... We shall see...

Finally made up my mind about choices - good job too seeing as we start our new timetable on monday! I have decided to ditch spanish (I know, it's sad but.. I guess I can learn it again someother time...) and am doing music instead! My mum is really getting in to the whole music thing. She wants me to join this choir and is going to get me piano lessons. I'm just so relieved I've actually got the choosing thing out the way!

L arranged a "Woohoo the exams are over" sleepover last night, which was a good laugh but there's storm clouds on the horizon... Let's just say it's to do with boyfriends, flirting and so called best mates. I'm sure you get the idea.   We spent pretty much all day in the sun washing L's horse and riding it on the roads too. It was all good except I have this mingin' heat rash on my arms so I look like I have some kinda freaky skin disease. Not very attractive... Hopefully it will have gone by monday! It's really itchy, on top of looking disgusting.. But anyway, moving on..!

Oh and how glad is everyone to see the back of bad weather?? Very glad with cherries on top. The crew (haha that's sounds so sad but I can't be bothered with names) all have this beach craving. On every hot day we've had we've said "I wish we could go to the beach right now!". I just can't wait till one of us gets it together and plans a day on the beach.. Hey, I know I could do it myself but..

Well now I'm off to dream about the beach, friends being normal (are they ever?) and non itchy arms... X

27/4/2008 - More soon - promise!

Well I had a good weekend! But I can't write now because I have some serious maths homework to do :S

So unfair!

Write soon xxx

19/4/2008 - When the going gets tough..

Don't they say 'When the going gets tough, the tough get going'?

How the hell do the tough manage that?

18/4/2008 - Wooh First Blog -x

Ok so call me wierd, but I'm listening to Kate Bush. No offence to Kate Bush fans, but y'know I'm a teenage girl.. They don't normally listen to stuff like that.. Do they? I'm only listening cos I sang Running Up That Hill on Singstar 80's with my mate and got kinda hooked.

Today was uneventful, except for teachers getting in a tizzy over exams (hello? Who's just about to actually DO the exams?) and H drooling over N.. but the H & N thing happens everyday so.. nothing new there.

By the way, I know the name abbreviating thing is very GossipGirl but I'm not here to spill secrets so names better stay unknown.

Year 9 parents evening is finally over. My Mum had a strop and walked out of the hall... We where arguing over one particular subject I'm taking for GSCE. I thought I wanted to do it, then decided I didn't and still hadn't decided by parents evening (which was when we needed to get permition to do the subjects) so when I asked her what I should do she got in a mood and asked what how she was meant to know. Well, I only asked because she's always telling me mothers are always right, so, naturally, I thought she'd have some wise advice. But no, all she did was storm out. I was so angry, I mean it's not her that had to decide her future by half 6 thursday afternoon! I'm the one who's actually going through a stressful time in my life but she's the one who's allowed to run off. I was so stressed I walked out and burst into tears. Which is quite a rare thing for me to do in public. I'm one of those people who keep it all inside till their alone.

Luckily (or unluckily I haven't quite decided) S was in the reception when I walked out in tears and followed me. So I had her for comfort. Not that she did that good a job. Then we saw J and her mum. Who where a bit more understanding!

In the end my mum came over like nothing had happened and took me back to the hall. For the rest of the night she kept saying/doing annoying stuff and I kept feeling like I was just gunna have a freak out...

Oh and.. H is moving. In my class I only have one friend, the rest are all twats. That friend is H and she's moving. Obviously I have friends in other classes, but it's not the same is it? I'll have plenty of classes where I'm on my own.. Unless next year more classes are split cos of sets rather than welsh speaking. Yeah, welsh schools suck.

Oh, and there's him. That's so confusing right now I don't really wanna write about it yet.

Urrrggghh.. I never quite understood the whole 'being a teenager is so difficult thing' but now I can totally relate to kids that go around sreaming "No one understands me!!" and slamming doors. I'm just not that melodramatic. Not that melodramatic.

Sucks to be me :D

xxx